Anonymous Christmas

It’s that time of year again, everyone! The freaking holidays, with their freaking cheery consumerism and holiday parties and indulging every gluttonous impulse a human could have. I am not a fan. I AM a fan of singing silly songs I make up, though, so I thought I’d combat my urge to burn Christmas to the ground why creating my very own carol this year. Happy Holidays, everyone! Here are you cheery lyrics:


Americans Can’t Keep Track of All Our Damn Wars

A Piñata of Kim Kardashian’s Ass Pic is Selling Like Hotcakes


Stephen Hawking Says AI Will End Mankind. This Could Go One of Two Ways.

Coca-Cola Now Offering (Sexist!) Milk, Because 3500 Other Drinks Not Enough

Company Paying People to Break In Jeans for Other People. No Washing Allowed. For Six Months.

Congratulations! You Live in the Interesting Times of Decentralization!

RIP Google Glass? Brin Attends NASA Event Barefaced

Business Selling Basic Human Contact Exploding All Over the Planet

Happy Birthday, Dollar! This Is Why You Suck

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