Remember when this happened?

Or how about this?

It used to be a lot of fun before everyone in the planet was on it, though. It was a place where you could share little sound bytes of your thoughts with your friends, kind of like a nerdy way to pass notes in school even though you graduated decades ago.

But now it’s filled up with companies like Best Buy and freaing Starbucks that do nothing other than try to sell you crap. Which already sucks.

But soon! Twitter is going to suck even MORE, when Twitter completes the unveiling of their Promoted Tweets ad program. Vomitorium.

No mas fun, Twitter. Watch the video for the full explanation.

No reason. That’s why.

So, please to enjoy the very awesome food vendors of Red Hook, Brooklyn. If you live in New York City, do yourself a favor and wander on down there one Saturday or Sunday afternoon. If you need help finding them, just follow the signs for the godforsaken Ikea, and you won’t be able to miss them.

And after you’ve stuffed yourselves on papusas, you can buy yourself some cheap Swedish particle-board based furniture! Only in New York, people, only in MF New York!

Which is why I was really happy to find Dances of Vice, which, as defined by founder Shien Lee, is “is the art of nightlife once again revived. Dances of Vice began in New York in 2007 as a venue showcasing an exotic melange of art, performance and music influenced by that special time in history, the 1920s and 30s. Since then, it has blossomed to include Victorian and Rococo themed events with a New Romantic flair, attracting a sordidly splendid menagerie of elegant dandies, aesthetes, dreamers and ne’er-do-wells who gather in shared enthusiasm for the music, fashion, culture, and beauty of times forgotten.”

So I went to check out one of their events, where I couldn’t help making a lot of 20s jokes and wearing a lot of fun hats. If you live in New York and like dressing up , YOU HAVE TO CHECK OUT THEIR EVENTS!

But now, she’s a girl with her own late night show that was MAKING IT that has a sex tape.

Sigh.

She claims it was a joke, but – ha ha? Look at me completely naked doing it doggie style in front of a camera. Ha ha?

It’s utterly ridiculous that there are girls out there whose entire careers were built on their sex tapes. It’s awful, it’s disgusting, and yes – it’s even laughable.

But Chelsea, is there no other way to poke fun at this than to bare your own body and strip yourself of your own integrity?

UGH.

So what do you think – is it ok for girls to use their bodies like this to get ahead? Are they just using what they’ve got? OR are they just plain using the old adage that sex sells so that they can sell out?

Most people just think of anarchists as dirty people who live in squats and smell and throw homemade firebombs through the windows of 7/11s. Ok well, that’s what I picture. Maybe most people don’t. But, still, there IS an undesirable connotation in many people’s minds about anarchists.

Which is why it was really fun to meet a lot of nice, helpful people at the Really Really Free Market, a monthly bazaar organized by none other than anarchists. They happen all over the country (perhaps all over the world, I dunno, I’m just a dumb American what do I know about what happens in fancy Europe?), and people are encouraged to start their own.

Essentially, The Really Really Free Market is a place to exchange goods or services through barter or just free giving. No money is exchanged. And yet a market still happens. Imagine!

At the one I attended this month in New York, there was a band playing, and people were giving haircuts, and someone was leading a group in laughter yoga, and there were clothes and printers and other goods for people to take, freely. Everyone was having a really, really great time.

And yeah, there was a lot of junk being given away, too. And for a jerk like me whose first instinct is to laugh when someone falls down, my first instinct was to laugh at some of the junk on the tables. A lot of the stuff NO ONE WOULD EVER NEED. So I’ll admit, I struggled at first, because I LIKED these people and didn’t want to be a JERK just because of a few baubles.

Once I got over my initial giggles and started walking around, things got better. I met some really kind, interesting people, who – like me – think the old white men in charge are a bunch of C-students. And I got a mix tape! A really fun mix tape. I like finding other people’s mix tapes. So I was happy, because I found a gem.

And I guess that was the point, right? One person’s junk is another person’s gem? Or whatever that saying is, if there is an actual saying.

The bottom line is that the people at the Really Really Free Market have really, really open minds, and are trying to do something nice and positive instead of just being angry at the system. And for me to rail on them just for a few pieces of junk would only make me a jerk.

Magically, they also held a mechanical bullrider charity competition for any media person dumb enough to want to try it. Naturally, I signed up – anything for charity!

I chose St. Jude’s because I’ve been affected by the awfulness that is cancer, and, well, you know I just love me some children!

As worthy as the cause was, as soon as that mechanical bull had the slightest modicum of buck in it, I totally rolled off that thing. Visions of neck braces flashed through my head. Plus I just endured a year of pain and watching my arse grow fatter after a nasty ankle sprain. So, eff that. Laters, bull!

But I had some fun, and it gave me a reason to buy a pink cowboy hat, and I got to meet real, bona fide WORLD CHAMPION PROFESSIONAL BULLRIDERS.

I love my job. I hope you love this video a little, too.

The bottom line is, I don’t have childrens, and since I don’t, I tend not to find them terribly charming or engaging. I mean, I love the ones I’m related to. They’re so awesome, I don’t even think of them as kids. And my friends’ kids: they’re all pretty great, too. I’m talking about the childrens in the thousand-dollar strollers that clog up Brooklyn, or the precocious little effers standing in your way at Barnes and Noble. New York City seems to be inundated with lousy childrens. So THOSE, I don’t like.

But the people who came out to this year’s Toy Fair all had really fun toys that seemed like they had one thing in common: to make the childrens of the world smarter. Better. Nicer. Less jerky. So, even though I still do not love the childrens, I left the fair this year feeling optimistic for their futures. And that is a very nice thing.

Check out some of the toys I got to test out here, here, here, here, here and here.