NYC Blizzard Does Not Disprove Climate Change
February 15, 2010Many people think that, because it SNOWED for a day in FEBRUARY in New York City, global warming is a farce. Most of those people are conspiracy theorists. Some of them are confused. And some of them have high-profile jobs in the media. Unlike me, who just ekes out a living trying to find some sense in the world. My stance on this issue is and always has been: we are being slobs on the planet, regardless of climate issues, and we should clean up our act no matter what. Here’s a piece of that now, folks! Be sure to check out RT’s site, too!
As Seen on TV
February 12, 2010I’m not sure if the horrible infomercial is just an American phenomenon or not, but here in the US we sure do have some commercial doozies.
The Snuggie. The Be-Dazzler. Ginsu Knives. Urine gone. Yes, Urine Gone!
Sometimes the products look so great! And the prices are always insaaaaaaaaaaanely awesome! How can you resist?
Well, one product really caught my eye recently, called Shoes Under. https://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/shs_und_ood_ontv.html Essentially it’s just a box that can hold your shoes under your bed for you. Sounds like a great idea, if you hoard shoes like some superficial debutante! Or if you’re like me and live in New York and never have enough space for ANYTHING.
What really intrigued me, though, was the price. Of course, these infomercials always through in extra stuff at the end and knock down the price. The Shoes Under offer did this as well. As I did the math on this one, I realized that the price of one Shoes Under came to 5 bucks. Which means that the makers of this thing can charge a person 5 bucks for this thing and STILL MAKE A PROFIT. Which means Shoes Under is a flimsy piece of crap.
So, I had to buy it and check it out myself. And lo and behold, it was just as crappy as I could have imagined. Flimsy, smelly, and will fall apart very soon.
Now, since I ponied up the cash for it, I WILL try to put it to use. It WILL house shoes I never wear, under my bed, until it falls apart. But you’re just as well off if you just plop the damn extra shoes in a garbage bag and call it a day.
We make a lot of crap in this world that is useless landfill fodder. I wonder if that’s ever going to change? Or will we just keep making mounds of crap in an effort to increase our own bank accounts, so we can buy the crap that other people make?
Weird world – as seen on TV, and as seen all around you in reality.
Free Gum!
February 4, 2010Web video might be all the rage now, but I’ve been doing it for TEN YEARS. I know – I’m as amazed as you! I first hit the streets in January in the year 2000, and my very first bit was asking people what an mp3 was. AND MOST PEOPLE DIDN’T KNOW. I did it for a company I was working for at the time, and after I did it I just knew that I had found the thing I wanted to do for my career.
So, to commemorate this anniversary, this decade-long career I’ve had now that’s put me on TV and across the web and into lots and lots of awesome fun situations, I thought I’d release one of my very-old classics. This one is entitled, “Free Gum,” and it showcases how my first pieces were all about cleaning up New York City.
It also showcases a really awesome hairdo that I sported at the time. For about 2 or 3 years, I put my hair through the wringer, coloring it every shade in the Benjamin Moore iPhone App. To accomplish this, I had to bleach the crap out of my hair first, then put on some Manic Panic. It was a an arduous, stinky process, and one that I’m lucky to have had some hairs survive. I should be bald for all I put my hair through!
Aside from the funky hairdos, the best thing about looking through some of my older stuff for the anniversary episode has been seeing what I chose to cover on my own, before I had clients to answer to, before I was interested in what was going on in the world, in politics, or in pop culture. I just wanted to cover what annoyed me on a day-to-day basis.
It was extremely cathartic. And I think it’s good for me to remember why I started doing this in the first place: to poke fun at stuff that pisses me off. That’s what I’m good at, that’s why I started doing this weird job, and that’s something I should remember whenever it’s time to decide what to cover. It’s also good for me to remember to never, ever put my poor hair through all that chemical processing again.
Thanks for tuning in all these years, you guys! And Happy Anniversary to meeeeeeee.
Gimme My Gun!
January 29, 2010One of the things I like to do on my vaguely-alternative news show here is to try something for the first time, ever, out on camera. Kind of like those dumb reporters who get tazed whenever the police taze someone. I won’t be doing THAT anytime soon!
One thing I had never, ever done until I did this video was hold a real gun – let alone FIRE a real gun. I mean, really: I had never TOUCHED A GUN.
And I have a real, strong, natural aversion to guns. But some people LOVE them their guns, and even include their right to bear arms in a cute little sentence involving GOD. Andrea Tantaros always used to say how real Americans love their “faith and firearms” anytime I paneled with her on The Strategy Room, and it always made my blood curdle. Sorry, Andrea, it’s true.
Guns have only one function, and that’s to hurt or kill a person or other living thing, and I just have a real problem with that. It’s an innate, basic feeling I have, no matter how naïve it sounds.
Now before you go and talk about hunting and hamburgs and all that, let me just say that a large portion of people I’m related to are hunters, and they all pretty much love hunting, and I love eating the animals they kill. But instead of arguing out any points, I’ll just say this about all that: bow-hunting. K?
K.
But I still recognize that a lot of people love the power and thrill of the machine that is a gun. I think it’s the same way they respect a really cool car. While I also am not enamored with THOSE, I CAN relate to admiring humankind’s creations and ability to control their surroundings.
And since I THINK there is something akin to that emotion going on in the people who love their guns (I’m not talking about the people who love their guns because it allows them to defend themselves against the bad guys, because I have NO basis on which to understand them just yet in my life), I thought it was time for me to TOUCH a gun and check out what the thrill was.
So here in this video, you shall see me wielding a gun for the very first time. Verdict? Meh. It was heavy and loud. I let my cameraman finish my rounds.
So, what do you think? Are guns good or bad? Let’s talk about that this week!
Airport Security: Too Much?
January 12, 2010One of my pieces for RT – what lengths are you willing to go to in order to ensure safe air travel? Personally, I don’t mind a full-body scanner. It’s the people with BABIES who hold up the lines that I have a problem with.
Floating Plastic Bottle Island
January 10, 2010Recently, I went on vacation to one of my absolute favorite places in the world. One day, I was just doing my thing, driving around on a golf cart with a beer and absolutely no thoughts in my head, when I stumbled upon a strange sign that read, “Floating Plastic Bottle Island.” So I turned off the golf cart to take a look at what the sign was referring to, and that’s when I met Richard Sowa. Richart has spent many years building islands out of discarded plastic bottles. I was intrigued, so I whipped out the iPhone 4 and did a spontaneous interview. Man, I was not disappointed. It was worth removing my vacation head and putting on my thinking one for a minute, because Richart is a truly awesome, original, amazing human.
Richart also sings – we met up with him later in town where he sang and played guitar. And guess what? He’s really good. A truly honest voice, coming from a truly genuine place.
I hope you like the interview, and I hope you check out his website, because it’s worth putting on a thinking head for a moment to take a listen and poke around.
Amnesty for Illegal Immigrants?
January 5, 2010One of my pieces for RT. Do you think illegal immigrants should be given amnesty in the US? And considering how the whole healthcare issue has gone down, how do you think the Obama administration will handle the immigration issue?
Climate Change: The Debate
December 23, 2009One of my pieces for RT: Do you think climate change is real, or is a conspiracy?
Americuh
December 23, 2009If after watching this video you wonder, who could possibly care about whether or not people call the U.S. “America,” let me answer: A lot of nutters on the internet who continuously email me about it. Seriously! I didn’t just invent this issue. If after watching this video you wonder, how could The Resident, a liberal and intelligent New Yorker, side with people who want to call the U.S. “America,” let me answer: Don’t be so quick to put me in a box, yo! What the hell is wrong with people that they really get riled up about this? You know, when I get battered over the head from any angle about such a thing – be it from the right, left, smart, or straight-up bananatown – I seriously just want to run in the opposite direction, fast. Because there simply is NO REASON to get all riled up about issues like this, from any angle. Like, get over it people. Americans have confiscated the name “America” for themselves, and by Americans I mean AMERICANS. And I don’t need to clarify that to any sane human being. Which is to say, if you are asking me for clarification, you are insane. K? K. There. I feel better already!
Guns!
December 23, 2009A piece of mine for RT: Should civilians be allowed to own and/or carry guns in a society?