Guess How Many Times Obama’s Terror Alert System Has Sounded

TRANSCRIPT:

You guys, we have so much to be terrified of. Just ask President Obama. He’ll tell you terrorists are everywhere, and they’re all coming for us! Which makes it extremely strange that his terrorism alert system has NEVER ONCE sent out an alert. EVER.

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Fuck You, Ello!

Sorry to be crass, but MAN I am so sick of repeating myself on this one. Inorganic, inauthentic digital communication is causing major breakdowns in how we relate to one another, and that’s fucking up society. Please, no more social networks! This means YOU, Ello!




Americans Shocked Their Govt Has Ebola Patent

I had a lot of fun with this, but in all seriousness: my heart breaks for those affected by this outbreak. I hope it ends soon.




Why the US is Sitting on Ebola Vaccines

TRANSCRIPT:

I keep harping on the US’ involvement in the current, growing Ebola outbreak, but it’s not because I’m a conspiracy theorist. It’s because all these crazy stories keep coming out about how the US has handled the virus over the years.

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How Americans Actually Feel About Bombing Syria

Man, I love talking to people on the street. Sure, they say crazy things, but that’s the good part: it reminds me that we’re all human, walking around in our own chemical brain soup, capable of laughing and forming weird thoughts. Living in an overpopulated area, you tend to forget that the things you just want to move out of your way on the sidewalk or on the train are actually people – wonderful, amazing, insane, flawed, living, breathing people.




Crazy New Evidence Palin Was Right About Death Panels

TRANSCRIPT:

Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel was one of the architects of the Affordable Care Act, or Obamacare. He presumes to be interested in preserving life, which is why it seemed outrageous when Sarah Palin accused him of wanting to create death panels. That was him – he was the death-panel guy. But it turns out, Palin might have been more right about Ezekiel’s intentions than the country gave her credit for.

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Accused: US Manufactured Ebola

TRANSCRIPT:

The US just pledged $500 million dollars in funding from the Department of Defense to fight Ebola. The US Agency for International Development will also distribute 400,000 protective kits with sanitizer and gloves, primarily in Liberia. So you’d think the Liberians would see the US as a partner in eradicating this terrible, terrifying outbreak. But you’d be wrong. It’s more like they see the US as the CAUSE of Ebola.

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China’s Face-kinis Are Awesome

TRANSCRIPT:

Did you know that women in China wear wild face masks to the beach? Dubbed Facekinis, they serve as excellent sun protection in a culture that prizes pale skin as a sign of wealth and beauty.

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Urban Outfitters Shock Market #Fail

TRANSCRIPT:

Did you know that Urban Outfitters was selling a Kent State sweatshirt, with fake blood splatter? Kent State’s the American university where four students were shot and killed by soldiers for protesting the US’ war with Vietnam in 1970.

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Animal Compression Suits: The Latest in Animal Humiliation

TRANSCRIPT:

Did you know that German company Al Shibla is making a compression suit for racing camels? They just unveiled their plans at the Abu Dhabi International Hunting and Equestrian Exhibition.

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